You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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