bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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