I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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