You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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