The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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