Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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