you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
