and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
it glows. i had to have it.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
