Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
