Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
