how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
