so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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