You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
