I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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