Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
