wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
