I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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