True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
