You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
