it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
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