half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
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