It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
There's even glitter on my cock...
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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