I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
