Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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