it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
