Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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