Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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