What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
