And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
