Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
