You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
