some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
