WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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