I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
