absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
