i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
