he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Randomize
