I wish you could order shots online.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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