so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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