idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
