dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
