Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
