2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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