i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
