if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
All I want is dick and wine.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize