yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
