Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
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