Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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