so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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