Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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