You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
