It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
