So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
