he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
