You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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