So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
