good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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