she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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