My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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