I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
It all started with a game of naked twister.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
