Duck Duck Cougar?
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
