He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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