I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
