Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Actions speak louder than pants.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
