Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Less talking, more tequila
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
