I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Randomize
