No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
He did a backflip because drugs
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