What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
