My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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