there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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