where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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