my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize