his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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