I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
