Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
