So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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