he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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