you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
